I’m starting over again from step one. I’ve spent the majority of my adult life, as a single parent. I had my only son when I was 24. He’s grown now, and starting a beautiful new life. I’m so proud of the man he has become. The only thing that mattered to me while he was growing up, was to try to teach him how to live right, and be a good person. There were times when I felt like I failed there too. But he’s told me many times recently, that any of his struggles, were not my fault, and were choices he made. Aging and life experiences, have made him wiser, and he truly is a person with a great heart. So maybe I did a good job there.

I wanted to post today for all those single parents out there. Nothing is harder than trying to be both parents. During his youngest years, his father was dealing with alcoholism and his own demons. I worked numerous jobs to make ends meet. My son often states he felt he had to take care of himself a lot, and at times he did. But I always had him with someone until he was 10 years old. I had very little time that was free. But I always tried to have one day a week for us to go somewhere or do something together. At one point, I had 4 jobs at once. You do what you have to, to take care of your child.

I wanted him to have new clothes and supplies for school. I wanted him to be able to do cub scouts, baseball (because he was REALLY good) and have the things he could play with and have a happy life. And I also took care of my own needs. It was tiring and hard. And I know it caused my son to have issues with having to grow up too fast. I have to live with that. We talk about all these things now, and how it affected both of us. I’m so grateful we can and do, talk regularly. But when I reflect, I find myself realizing that, while trying to make our life better, I actually defeated that purpose.

You can drive yourself crazy, if you think too much. I think that the more we talk, he realizes what I was trying to do. Don’t be too hard on yourself, while you are doing your best. Single parenthood is one of the hardest things any parent can do. Not only are you responsible for every expense, but all you have is yourself as the only adult. There isn’t a partner or a support system. I lived far from all my family, and yes I had friends. But I was responsible for our lives. We’ve suffered a lot, and have had many, many hard times. I feel guilty, that I put him through it all. And honestly, I’m glad that now, my hardships are my own. And that he isn’t forced to endure it with me. My faith in God is strong and I believe that those who live through hardships, are his beloved. We are only given what we can handle.

Just pray and be a good person, and do what you know is right. I’m always there for the people I love, and always will be. My life is at step one again. By my own doing. It’s just a clean slate and what happens next, is up to me. Son, I do and always will love you beyond words, and you are the true masterpiece of my life. Remember that you were and are the only constant in my life. And my greatest gift and inspiration to live.

Those who might read this, make the people you love, the driving force in your life. And just try to be the best person you can be. Never give up and always keep faith that your path will lead to the best life God wants you to have.