What I’m feeling isn’t anger or resentment toward others. My wish to be alone, is because of the emptiness I feel. The most recent devastation to my personal space and things, was total. And it has left me devoid of holiday spirit. Or any spirit for that matter.

I won’t ruin any other celebrations others are having by being present, because if I was there, it would just be a painful reminder of how empty ‘my’ bubble now is. It feels like a knife in the heart. Because Dad gave me love of sharing with my fellow man and easing their pain. I can’t do that, when I can’t even ease my own.

So it’s not anger, jealousy or resenment…..it’s loss, mourning (how things were when I was young), and wishing that it could be different.