Wish I had the means to go somewhere to be alone for the rest of this month. Would just love to be alone. So I don’t have to pretend to be happy. Or answer questions about whether I am OK. To not have chores or things I have to do. To stop worrying about possibly ruining someone else’s month.

Being alone isn’t so bad. I don’t hear the sounds of other people having normal lives, when mine is such an abhorration to normal. To be reminded that I am not deemed good enough to be like everyone else. Everything is a reminder of that. It’s all just another jab at those worthless 59 years.

I hate reminders. I don’t need more reminders. My entire life is one big reminder of what life could have been, but never was. And this ridiculous mind of mine never knows when to shut up and let me be. It whiles away all my endless, useless days with ‘what if’s’ and ‘if only’s’. I hate my mind.

There was so much possible…..but now I just want it to stop and leave me be.