Right now, I just want to be alone. I’m not pulled to go anywhere or engage with anybody. Just want to sit with my heavy thoughts and run back over all the sad facts of my life. I have empty hands…..and all that I had gathered for myself drifts further away as each moment passes.

Im just waiting for everyone to finish their celebrations, so I can just continue my meandering life. I have chemo next week and that is the only thing I HAVE TO do. There really isn’t anything else to think about or do. Just go on, as I always have. Back at zero. No other things…..just pay the bills and do my treatments. And just find solace in that I’m still alive after a year and a half of treatments. So let God show me what he wants of me, because I, personally have nothing.

it’s always humbling to be reduced to zero. It reminds you of 59 years of wasted time. And how slow and empty the future currently is.